Illy's POV : Day 8 - So This Happened...

October 7, 2014

Remember how yesterday I mentioned my clothes felt different? Well, I have officially gone down a pant size. I ran some errands on my lunch today, and I just so happened to walk past one of my favourite stores.

Side note: I stopped trying to buy jeans in stores a while back. Somewhere along the way, jeans stopped fitting my ass. I found this retro pair online that "fit me" and made me feel comfortable, so I have been using those for over a year now. ~End side note.~

With it being Fall, I figured I would check out their sweaters. Little did I know, I was about to find my favourite jeans of all time.

Respectfully, the jeans themselves are nothing special. Your standard jean with some scuff marks to make it look like "I just threw on a really old pair I found in my closet" (for full effect, please read that in Valley Girl).

What's special about the jeans is how I feel in them. Maybe there was a method to the madness that is this challenge.

It was a good day today. 

Illy's POV : Day 7 - Slow and uneventful

October 6, 2014

This is not going to be a very long post, as today was somewhat uneventful. But both Ashley and I have noticed that we definitely cannot eat as much as previously. I didn't think it was possible to feel the same I-have-just-eaten-a-whole-pizza-by-myself full with a vegetarian diet. But apparently it is!

I'm feel so much better today though, about everything. I find myself craving fruit like it is nobodies business.

I have also noticed that my clothes are fitting a little differently. Pants and shirts that may have been a bit  snug are now... less so? Maybe that is just wishful thinking. 

Illy's POV : Day 6 - Things I Seem to Have Forgotten Along the Way

October 5, 2014

All of a sudden, I have a lot of free time on my hands. I find myself quickly becoming bored. But this isn't just your typical boredom.

I have this insane amount of pent-up energy. I'll go for a run and then do yoga... everyday... and I still want to do something. Anything. I've played the piano until my fingers hurt, read a bunch of books, and listened to every playlist I have over 15 times. A gal can only pace her apartment so much.

So today, my friend Ashley Sherwood (thank you again for the awesome day!!) and I decided to have an adventure! She is an amazing photographer, and I was a human who's had a rough week. It only made sense to take pictures, right?

We ended up in this creepy/beautiful place near where I grew up, and it was probably one of the best days I have had a really long time. I absolutely love fall and this place was stunning. All the leaves were changing, and it was right near the Bluffs (for those who don't know what I'm talking about).

We ended up (mini) hiking up through this forest, and I could not remember the last time I had done something as simple as this. Just, walking in nature.

Yet, here I am, bored at home, when there is an entire world open for adventures. So I made a point of writing down all the things I liked/wanted to do that got lost in the mix of food, drinks, and cigarettes:

1. Hiking/Exploring. This was one of my favourite things to do as a kid. I recently hiked in Yosemite (last summer I believe), but I couldn't tell you how long it had been before then. There has to be places around here I can hike. I miss being outdoors.
2. Climb Trees. I figure, with my new muscle flexibility, this is more of a possibility now...
3. Meet New People (without alcohol even!). A lot of my close friends are now married/with kids, and although I love hanging out with them, it doesn't usually allow for many new outing adventures.
   
   In the past, we would head to a bar or club, get drunk, and meet a bunch of new people. But there has to be a way to do this sans drink. I suppose that is something I can look into, now that I'm not drinking alcohol.
4. Acquire a Green Thumb. I wish I could say I had a way with growing plants, but I don't want to lie to you guys. This is something I will need to work on.  So, most likely my older friends/family would know this, but I have always had this weird dream of owning an apple orchard. Something about seeing the rows of trees as you drive past... It is a weirdly comforting sight for me. One day...
   
   Will I need to learn a lot? Yes. Is it probably for the best if I start with one tree? Most definitely. But, one day, Iliana will own 1 or more apple trees.
5. Finish My Novel Series. I have been working on a series for a couple of years, but they appear to have taken a backseat somewhere along the way. I need to edit the first 2 (I'm on book 3 right now), in preparation to send them to publishers. But I just... stopped writing one day.
   
   That makes me sad, so I will do everything in my power to dedicate time to this again. 

There are more items, but they started to become a bit more personal. It's like I've been given a new battery. I am fully charged, and refuse to waste energy on lame things anymore. 

I think that is all I have for today. I hope you all had a great weekend. :) 

Ashley's POV : Day 4 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

Hmmmmmmmm? I don’t know if this can be real but I am actually feeling the benefits from this detox.  Can this be possible after four days? I mean, my skin looks healthier and my hair feels softer and I am finding that I just want to hang out in a quiet setting with as little chaos as possible.  Which is weird because, I generally love chaos !

Well anyways,  Ili and I went out for dinner and then went to David’s Tea for dessert.

Lol Our desserts consisted of flavored tea’s that mimicked the taste of decadent desserts.

 Sighhhhh!

Due to me splurging and having ketchup with my dinner (those who know me, understands that I eat ketchup with my ketchup.) Ili allowed herself to have two percent milk foamed with her tea!  I’m not gonna lie, I was jealous that she had foam and I didn’t.  We went for a drive together and  a good chunk of the beginning of the conversation in the car truly just focused on the “foam” in Iliana’s cup lol! Ya know, like: how it tasted, how her cravings had settled from wanting something sweet……how I wish that I had Iliana’s foam.

 Lol ! Conversations during a detox can easily be summed up by two words ……… that’s right ladies and gentleman “ Food Porn!!!!”.

Oh detox ……where, oh where have my brain cells gone! Oh where or where have you been!

We ended the night at 9:30 pm both exhausted from our emotionally draining week.

For once, I knew what it was like to be one of my pregnant friends on a Friday night!

-No alcohol

- No cigarettes

- Healthy dinner modified to specific guidelines

-Early bedtime

……………………………………..26 days to go! I could really go for a slice of cheese cake :{

Ashley's POV : Day 3 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

Shit got real today!

The cravings for nicotine and carbohydrates were less than it has been. I actually had room to breathe today and feel like a functional human being. Except! Those fabulous chemicals in our food and cigarettes almost act as a  shield to those emotions we don’t want to deal with. This process (detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge)is raw, it really strips you down to the point that you feel naked and everything that you are going through is exposed because you don’t have the strength or your vices to keep them hidden or buried.  Lol and the yoga doesn’t help either because it is literally geared  to have a person purge unwanted emotions or toxins through different postures of the body!

Like, you’re ultimately screwed and have nowhere to hide.

So let me break this to you gently Ashley! ………..On top of being exhausted from the withdrawal process, you now have to deal with what’s going on within a wonkie (yes folks, I said wonkie) frame of mind??!!!!!!

All I have to ask is:

How is this process legal? 

You know, the dictionary reads that a Detox is a “ metabolic process by which toxins are changed into less toxic or more readily excretable substances”

I call bullshit!! This is a goddamn truth serum and now I have to get cozy with my soul.

………………………………27 days to go! This is going to get ugly.

Illy's POV : Day 5 - My First Weekend Without a Drink

October 4, 2014

This is the first weekend-in I don't know how long-where I haven't had a drink. And I feel as though I'm bi-polar. My mood switches from angry, to sad, then all the way up to laughing so hard I'm practically crying. That's normal for detox, right...?

Reality:

I really wanted a drink today. I also really wanted a hamburger. Nay, I craved a bacon cheese burger with the biggest fries they could legally give me. I also wanted a cigarette.

Still Reality:

But something has shifted in my brain. Although the cravings were irritating,  I didn't have as hard of a time moving past them. Another new thing was my craving for exercise this morning. I kid you not, I went for a run at 8am this morning. I woke up needing to do something.

I should probably prefix this with: Iliana = Night Owl. I do not do mornings. My friends and family know to give me a good 1/2 after waking up before trying to interact with me. So it was very surprising to "get up and go", if you will. I hope that stays around.

Ashley and I did yoga separately today, as life made it difficult for us to meet up. But DUDES. I don't want to brag or anything, but I'm becoming very bendy! I have been amazed at how quickly my muscles have regained its flexibility.

I think I'm going to end this post here, on a good note. Tomorrow is a new day (and is going to be a very fun one, I might add)!

Ashley's POV : Day 2 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

This is the sign I should be wearing on my forehead today :

Beware! Talking to me could end like this:

a. Fuck you!

b. No, fuck you!!!

c. Go, Fuck yourself !!!

d. No really, I’m serious go fuck yourself !!!!

Started the day off right, with getting into a fight with the Manager at the drive through of my local McDonalds . Apparently it took time to cook egg whites because they didn’t have healthy food accessible immediately but prepared upon request….who knew? However, this is a drive-thru and I needed them ASAP or I would be late for work.  I really wish I knew all this before I paid for it because I ended up leaving without egg whites, less money and now a longer distance to travel in the morning to Tim Horton’s for my tea because I literally can never show my face there again due to the bitch decimal I went too.

Note to self, when doing a detox, prepare your meals ahead of time. I called my dad to bitch about the situation and he responded with “ Ya know, I like you better when you’re a smoker”.  You can imagine what letter I choose from the imaginary sign above that ended that conversation.

 LEARN TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS!

The rest of the day consisted of taming the beast that roamed inside the veins of my blood.  By the time I got to Ili’s to do yoga together, I wanted to just sit down on the floor, cross my legs and rock back and forth and hisss, ya know…… to self soothe but I realized she would probably assume that I had become clinically nuts and try and have me formed at a local hospital.  However, when I saw her face and how distressed she was, a sign of relief came over me. Listen, I’m not masochistic or anything but I’m not going to lie, it felt so freaking great, knowing she was going through just as much turmoil as I was !!!

Finally!!!!! Someone who could relate!!! Blessed be!

Quitting smoking is one thing but not being able to eat those comfort foods during those moments of bad cravings, brings this process to a whole new level.

It is always nice to do this process with someone because you will need the support.

 You can have all the will power in the world but unless, you have someone to talk to who really understands what your going through, it would be like talking to someone who speaks a different language. No comprehension !!! 

Ashley's POV : Day 1 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

October 29, 2014

I’m just going to start off with :

Ughhhhhhhhhh! This was the longest day ever!

Let me just be clear, that even though I have my certification to teach yoga doesn’t mean I fit the profile of what a typical yoga teacher would be. I mean, sure I’m a vegetarian, but… lol… I like my wine and ceasar’s, and I smoke like a chimney. Oh the vices that keep me SANE! So if your thinking those who can’t do teach……..you are absolutely right!

This day was all about not knowing what to do with myself. The hardest part was to be successful or at least functional in my work environment. Mornings have always been difficult for me.

 However, detoxing and being smoke free made it cognitively difficult on top of all this. It was hard to even have the attention span to follow people’s sentences, let alone attach the appropriate reaction to what was being said to me.  By the end of the day, I had gotten my reaction delay to about a minute before I finally figured out that I could just copy everyone else’s reaction and see where it got me. I mean, someone could have probably told me that I smelled like horse manure and I would have laughed something fierce.

Sigh!  It was just one of those days.   

At the end of it, when I knew I had to do yoga, I just wanted to lie down and cry.  I wanted to go to sleep and wake up 30 days later, when this was all over with. I wanted to shut the world out.

 The beginning of the class was rocky but by the end, my monkey mind began to settle slowly, and all the anxieties that my body had fought for during the day had either retired from relaxation or just pure old exhaustion.

……………..29 days to go! Someone please just punch me in the face !

Illy's POV : Day 4 - Acceptance (Or something like it...)

October 3, 2014

Guys... Yesterday was very overwhelming and shocking. This whole week, I have felt as if I've been recovering from a drug addiction. That's the best way I can describe it. This morning, I still felt a little rough around the edges, but as the day progressed (and I ate a nice breakfast and lunch), I started to feel a little more like a human.

I'm not completely back to my normal, peppy self, but I have seen a very dim light off in the distance (sort of like this). And that alone gave me the push I needed.

AND THEN I DECIDED TO TREAT MYSELF. But not with food, no no. The money I would have spent on alcohol this week/weekend went towards my very first set of eyelash extensions.

Can you see it?!

It's ok if you can't. Because I can see it. I see it every time I blink. And for anyone curious, I was listening to The Vaccines when this picture was taken. Anywho, I digress.

Ashley and I went for dinner tonight. As in... out in the real, non-detoxing world.  And we were so good! We got this seafood salad, which was delicious, and it felt nice to be somewhat normal again. We even interacted with other humans, and didn't envision them as a loaf of bread with arms. This gives me hope that mayhap... I can do this.

Illy's POV : Day 3 - The 5 Stages of Detox

October 2, 2014

Today started on a somewhat positive note. I woke up and had a weird amount of nervous energy, as if I didn't know what to do with myself. So I went for my very first morning run.

I've always liked running, because I get most of my serious thinking done during that time. Maybe that's why I was a little skeptical of yoga. With running, you are constantly moving forward. And I always felt as if my thoughts moved quickly with it. Like, turbo thoughts (???). I'm not sure if I'm explaining this right.

Yoga always looked so stagnant, and I was afraid that my mind would sit there, with my ass, on the mat. Unmoved. But I'm happy to announce that is not the case. It isn't necessarily better or worse than running... it is just a very different experience.

The first few times I tried yoga, I was either focusing on my breathing or on the positions. I never really had a chance to let my mind do its thing. But today, I was comfortable enough with the positions, and breathing has already become a natural part of the process. I had nothing left but my mind. Which, for anyone who knows me, can be a very scary thing.

I'm not trying to sound negative about this, but seeing as I'm supposed to be blogging my thoughts through the entire challenge... Today was not a very good day overall. But I think I have figured out the 5 Stages of Detox.

1. Self-sabotage:  You immediately start to think of all the ways you can sneak in [enter food addiction here] without anyone knowing. But you'll know... You'll know. So you try a different tactic; you tell yourself there is no way you can complete this. Which systematically leads to...
2. Anger: You first get angry at yourself, for so many things. For getting to this point to begin with, for making bad life choices (especially when you should know better at this age). But then, the anger seeps towards other people, and usually for the stupidest reasons.
   
   If you are really lucky, you will start feeling anger towards the entire world, and for things you can not control. So you think to yourself, "There is no way I can feel like this for the next 27 days. I will literally lose my shit." So you begin...
3.  Bargaining: As with anger, the bargaining starts with yourself. "What if we just did the cleanse during the work week, then allowed ourselves the weekend to enjoy life once again." Be careful at this point- It is not uncommon for people to bounce back into self-sabotage. Then you start to bargain with others. Today, I tried bargaining with Ashley about doing squats during yoga. As in, I didn't want to do them... Luckily, she handled it well. And once everyone (hopefully yourself included) has effectively sidestepped your requests, the only place left for you is...
4. Depression: This is where I am right now. It isn't really a sadness, it is more of a nothingness.
   
   (Image taken from Hyperbole and a Half. If you have never heard of this blog, I strongly suggest you read it).
   The logical side of my brain knows that my body is just getting used to this new way of eating. But the illogical side of my brain keeps telling me that I will never feel joy again. My energy and drive is completely shot.
   
   My only saving grace is that I think acceptance is next.
5. Acceptance: ????

Dear god, let acceptance be next.

Illy's POV : Day 2 - Foo-dar

October 1st, 2014

I'm hungry.

~fin~



Lol joking. About the fin, not about being hungry. I want... to eat the world. Yoga was particularly difficult today. We did a lot of leg holds, and now they hurt a lot. I had to pee, and I couldn't lift myself off the toilet after.

It didn't help that I ran yesterday and this morning. I just feel really tired, and easily irritated. I couldn't sit inside anymore, so I went for a walk. I noticed that I seem to have developed this odd food radar... foo-dar, if you will. I could hear a crinkling behind me, and I knew it was a bag hold food. Don't ask me how, but I did.

So I turned around, and on the other side of the crosswalk, there was a man holding a slice of pizza in a brown paper bag. Everywhere I look, people are eating ALL THE FOODS. I want to eat all the foods.

I just need to get through these first few days... Right?

Although, on a positive note, I made this spanish rice dish (with brown rice) that was seriously delicious. I'll link to the recipe. I added some spices (cumin, cayenne pepper, pepper, chili flakes) and chopped up jalapeños, but it seemed to curb the carb-lor monster living inside me for a while.  

Illy's POV : Day 1... aka Doomsday

Sept 30, 2014 - Captains log...

For the first 5 minutes this morning, I lay in bed and blissfully forgot about the challenge. And do you know what my first thought was once I remembered?

"Aw man, I have to make something for breakfast."

And as I made breakfast (plain yogurt with granola and honey... Look out world!), I couldn't stop thinking about how much I didn't want to eat it. Why don't I ever eat breakfast? You always hear it is the most important meal of the day (gray area, in my opinion).

I took my first mouthful and had a difficult time swallowing it. My inner Dawson came out. I feel like it would have been amusing to watch me struggle with this food.  But I ate it, for the good of the challenge. Yet, as the day progressed, I started to really want something carb-ish.

Sorry, let me be more specific. By 3pm, I would have stolen bread from a homeless person, or ninja'd some carbs from the trash. The feeling has been overwhelming, and a little freaky. I'm going to write this sentence, just once:

I was craving carbs more then I was craving cigarettes.

And then, just because... life... I started really wanting a drink. Especially later in the evening. And especially after yoga. Now, keep in mind that my friend and I went to a wine festival on the weekend where we proceeded to drink our way through the entire park. So I says to myself, I says, "It's ok Iliana. You are just detoxing."

And then I had a thought. Maybe I'm drinking TOO MUCH if I'm still detoxing 3 days later.

I'm really grumpy and want to punch someone. It is probably best if I sign off here.

Illy's POV : Introductions must be made...

My name is Iliana, but many of my friends know me as Illy (or Tilly). To say I am daunted by this challenge would be a flat out lie. Why, you ask? I'll tell ya, friend. I am, first and foremost, a yoga virgin.

In preparation for this challenge, I started doing yoga 1 to 2 times a week (over the past 3 weeks). And I have to say, I'm already feeling pretty good about my mad yoga skills.

The second item that chills my soul is the whole "no meat" and "no bread" thing. I feel like Frodo, faced with the horrifying task of walking the ring into Mordor (my preciousss... bread). Knowing that when, or if, he returned, he would not be the same. 

I'm going to level with you... I grew up in a greek household. My dad would make pasta for dinner, and then we would use bread to wipe up the left over pasta sauce. I legitimately can't remember the last time I went a single day without some sort of delicious carb.

But I figure after smoking for 10+ years (3 weeks clean), poor food choices, drinking like a fish, and a lot of partying, I suppose I can try living healthy for 30 days. 

I owe my body that much.

baconbaconbaconbaconn-oops, sorry. I feel asleep at the keyboard thinking about the next 30 days.