Illy's POV : Day 5 - My First Weekend Without a Drink

October 4, 2014

This is the first weekend-in I don't know how long-where I haven't had a drink. And I feel as though I'm bi-polar. My mood switches from angry, to sad, then all the way up to laughing so hard I'm practically crying. That's normal for detox, right...?

Reality:

I really wanted a drink today. I also really wanted a hamburger. Nay, I craved a bacon cheese burger with the biggest fries they could legally give me. I also wanted a cigarette.

Still Reality:

But something has shifted in my brain. Although the cravings were irritating,  I didn't have as hard of a time moving past them. Another new thing was my craving for exercise this morning. I kid you not, I went for a run at 8am this morning. I woke up needing to do something.

I should probably prefix this with: Iliana = Night Owl. I do not do mornings. My friends and family know to give me a good 1/2 after waking up before trying to interact with me. So it was very surprising to "get up and go", if you will. I hope that stays around.

Ashley and I did yoga separately today, as life made it difficult for us to meet up. But DUDES. I don't want to brag or anything, but I'm becoming very bendy! I have been amazed at how quickly my muscles have regained its flexibility.

I think I'm going to end this post here, on a good note. Tomorrow is a new day (and is going to be a very fun one, I might add)!

Ashley's POV : Day 2 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

This is the sign I should be wearing on my forehead today :

Beware! Talking to me could end like this:

a. Fuck you!

b. No, fuck you!!!

c. Go, Fuck yourself !!!

d. No really, I’m serious go fuck yourself !!!!

Started the day off right, with getting into a fight with the Manager at the drive through of my local McDonalds . Apparently it took time to cook egg whites because they didn’t have healthy food accessible immediately but prepared upon request….who knew? However, this is a drive-thru and I needed them ASAP or I would be late for work.  I really wish I knew all this before I paid for it because I ended up leaving without egg whites, less money and now a longer distance to travel in the morning to Tim Horton’s for my tea because I literally can never show my face there again due to the bitch decimal I went too.

Note to self, when doing a detox, prepare your meals ahead of time. I called my dad to bitch about the situation and he responded with “ Ya know, I like you better when you’re a smoker”.  You can imagine what letter I choose from the imaginary sign above that ended that conversation.

 LEARN TIME MANAGEMENT SKILLS!

The rest of the day consisted of taming the beast that roamed inside the veins of my blood.  By the time I got to Ili’s to do yoga together, I wanted to just sit down on the floor, cross my legs and rock back and forth and hisss, ya know…… to self soothe but I realized she would probably assume that I had become clinically nuts and try and have me formed at a local hospital.  However, when I saw her face and how distressed she was, a sign of relief came over me. Listen, I’m not masochistic or anything but I’m not going to lie, it felt so freaking great, knowing she was going through just as much turmoil as I was !!!

Finally!!!!! Someone who could relate!!! Blessed be!

Quitting smoking is one thing but not being able to eat those comfort foods during those moments of bad cravings, brings this process to a whole new level.

It is always nice to do this process with someone because you will need the support.

 You can have all the will power in the world but unless, you have someone to talk to who really understands what your going through, it would be like talking to someone who speaks a different language. No comprehension !!! 

Ashley's POV : Day 1 - Detox/ non- smoking /30 day yoga challenge

October 29, 2014

I’m just going to start off with :

Ughhhhhhhhhh! This was the longest day ever!

Let me just be clear, that even though I have my certification to teach yoga doesn’t mean I fit the profile of what a typical yoga teacher would be. I mean, sure I’m a vegetarian, but… lol… I like my wine and ceasar’s, and I smoke like a chimney. Oh the vices that keep me SANE! So if your thinking those who can’t do teach……..you are absolutely right!

This day was all about not knowing what to do with myself. The hardest part was to be successful or at least functional in my work environment. Mornings have always been difficult for me.

 However, detoxing and being smoke free made it cognitively difficult on top of all this. It was hard to even have the attention span to follow people’s sentences, let alone attach the appropriate reaction to what was being said to me.  By the end of the day, I had gotten my reaction delay to about a minute before I finally figured out that I could just copy everyone else’s reaction and see where it got me. I mean, someone could have probably told me that I smelled like horse manure and I would have laughed something fierce.

Sigh!  It was just one of those days.   

At the end of it, when I knew I had to do yoga, I just wanted to lie down and cry.  I wanted to go to sleep and wake up 30 days later, when this was all over with. I wanted to shut the world out.

 The beginning of the class was rocky but by the end, my monkey mind began to settle slowly, and all the anxieties that my body had fought for during the day had either retired from relaxation or just pure old exhaustion.

……………..29 days to go! Someone please just punch me in the face !

Illy's POV : Day 4 - Acceptance (Or something like it...)

October 3, 2014

Guys... Yesterday was very overwhelming and shocking. This whole week, I have felt as if I've been recovering from a drug addiction. That's the best way I can describe it. This morning, I still felt a little rough around the edges, but as the day progressed (and I ate a nice breakfast and lunch), I started to feel a little more like a human.

I'm not completely back to my normal, peppy self, but I have seen a very dim light off in the distance (sort of like this). And that alone gave me the push I needed.

AND THEN I DECIDED TO TREAT MYSELF. But not with food, no no. The money I would have spent on alcohol this week/weekend went towards my very first set of eyelash extensions.

Can you see it?!

It's ok if you can't. Because I can see it. I see it every time I blink. And for anyone curious, I was listening to The Vaccines when this picture was taken. Anywho, I digress.

Ashley and I went for dinner tonight. As in... out in the real, non-detoxing world.  And we were so good! We got this seafood salad, which was delicious, and it felt nice to be somewhat normal again. We even interacted with other humans, and didn't envision them as a loaf of bread with arms. This gives me hope that mayhap... I can do this.